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Exactly What I Expected (SilenceKills, rxck​,​The Star Darlings)

from Lament For Lady Stella​(​Book Soundtrack) by Adora

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lyrics

Vivica watched as Scarlet began chopping up the white powder with her old works credit card. She had just stolen a decent sum of money from that place after they fired her and decided it was an appropriate time for a bender. As she chopped up the illegal substance on her table she realized... She didn't want to do this alone. She didn't really have friends so she couldn't invite anybody over. Libby was taking care of two babies and she doubted Vega would even consider doing something as brutal as meth. She then looked at Vivica, who was watching intently.

"...You want to try too?" Scarlet asked.

"...Heh, uh, yeah totally." Vivica replied sounding completely unconvincing. That was all Scarlet needed. She started to push the dust into four lines. She took a 5 dollar bill from her pocket and rolled it up before handing it to Vivica. Then she took the rolled up bill back when she suddenly realized she might have been peer pressuring her. Scarlet had always considered peer pressure to be as evil and manipulative as gaslighting.

"Okay, but you don't have to." Scarlet quickly added, "I'm not a complete tool, I'm not making you..."

"No it's cool, I want to." Vivica lied. In reality, Vivica just thought it was incredible Scarlet was inviting her to do something with her. The thought of addiction scared her. It seemed after all this time Vivica still loved herself. But not enough to deny this.

"Here, plug one nostril and shove this up the other nostril and snort it in," Scarlet explained as she handed the bill back to Vivica. Neither had tried meth before, but Scarlet has snorted coke in the first few years of living on WishWorld. Vivica only experimented with the calmer drugs such as pot, LSD, and shrooms. The pregnant lady reluctantly took the rolled up bill in her hands and very awkwardly tried to snort a line. She didn't seem to do it right and ended up sneezing and cringing in pain.

"Yeah, it's going to sting." Scarlet laughed. Vivica started laughing too. The laugh caught Scarlet off guard as it was such a genuine laugh. The way she seemed to laugh so silly and from the belly reminded Scarlet of Gemma. Vivica clearly didn't get any, so Scarlet just decided to take her bong out. "Have some of this, it'll make it easier."

Time passed by as Vivica and Scarlet passed the bong back and forth. With each hit, Scarlet would unwind and the conversations drifted. With the THC's impairment on Scarlet's brain, and the known fact that once Vivica leaves, Scarlet will never talk to her again, Scarlet could talk about things that would usually trigger a bathroom panic attack.

"Okay, honest question..." Vivica chimed in amongst the laughter, "Lady Stella... the absolute worst, right?"

Scarlet was taken aback by this sudden statement. If Scarlet remembered correctly, she was a very mature and elegant woman. She understood Scarlet's innermost dreams, she understood why she dressed like she did, she understood... her. There were memories of scenarios where they should have gotten in trouble but didn't.

When Sage and Leona were catching shooting stars without permission or the clearance, instead of Lady Stella getting upset she was proud of the progress they'd make. There was a time Scarlet snuck into her office to steal Wishling food but when Lady Stella caught her instead of a scolding, Scarlet got Wishling food.

"Well, to me she wasn't. But then again..." Scarlet trailed off when she noticed a pattern. Lady Stella always had Scarlet's back but who had Vivica's?

Suddenly, Scarlet's mind got flooded with vicious memories of Vivica. All the bullying she did but was Scarlet that different? Scarlet had memories of hoisting Vivica in the air and making her slap herself. Scarlet had memories of Vivica being flung around a lot, actually. Each time she'd threaten to tell Lady Stella and Scarlet's response would always be "Go ahead!" But did Vivica actually ever tell on them? She didn't realize until now...

"Vivica, did Lady Stella take your side in anything?" Scarlet asked. Vivica laughed, "MY side? Ha! My "side" was so stateless and cloudy, no wonder Lady Stella hated me."

"C'mon, I know she didn't HATE you," Scarlet said as she often had a hard time picturing Lady Stella hating anybody. She remembered Lady Stella with a smile, sitting tall and regal in her office. Scarlet had spent hours pondering if Lady Stella could somehow be considered royalty on WishWorld as Scarlet had never witnessed a being more majestic.

"Sure, whatever," Vivica said with a laugh. Scarlet looked at the messy lines of powder on her table. It had been sitting there for a long time, neither wanted to be the first to take it. Vivica's mind stayed on Lady Stella, remembering her far differently than any of the Star Darlings did. "Hey... do you think... if things were different-"

"No." Scarlet cut her off, "Do you really think you were Star Darling material?" Scarlet bluntly asked. Vivica didn't say anything. Nobody was saying anything. The two simply sat side by side, steeping in their memories of Starling Academy and what it did to them. More specifically, Lady Stella and her choices changed their lives.

"Here." Scarlet handed Vivica the rolled up bill, deciding now was the time. Vivica reluctantly took it. She followed Scarlet's instructions and with the power of hemp, she was able to do an entire line. When Vivica abruptly raised her head her eyes were slightly crooked.

"Now lean back all the way and snort again to get the rest to your brain," Scarlet instructed. Vivica followed the instructions and immediately let out a short gasp for air after the final sniff.

Scarlet laughed as Vivica fell back onto the couch with a dopey grin and spaced eyes. All around Vivica was gently vibrating and she felt like her senses were heightened. Euphoria filled her as her body felt as if it was being placed in an almost unbearably hot bath. She didn't even feel the pain in her nose, in fact, she wasn't feeling much of anything. It was amazing to her.

"How is it?" Scarlet asked while laughing. Vivica replied with just a "Yeah..." and kept seeping deeper into the high. It looked very pleasant but scary. It oddly reminded Scarlet of her first time having sex with a human man. She looked to the remaining three lines on the table.

"Still got one left, girl!" Scarlet almost shouted, she wanted to witness this. She wanted to see if it got better before taking any more. In a mixed nonsense of words, Vivica sat back up. "Okay, Star Chip Dip." With tht mix of words leaving Vivica's mouth, Scarlet felt something inside her initiate.

As Vivica snorted that last line, Scarlet spoke to the increasingly strung out Vivica.

"I want you to know you've lived up exactly to my expectations of you, only I didn't expect to be here for it in the end." Scarlet's mind wandered to Libby and Vega in the other rooms asleep. "When I first knew you, we didn't get along, but I didn't want us too. Because frankly, you were a bully. But I was no different... I shunned and belittled those around me, I held myself above everyone and I know if I wasn't in the Star Darlings, I never would have had anyone... You didn't get that dignity, and now this is where you are and this is now the life you've earned. You're poor, you have a baby in your belly who probably has down syndrome from all the smoking, which is being fathered by the boyfriend you obviously beat. I would linger on it, I would degrade you further with it but I'd be unable to. I would be making fun of the fate Lady Stella changed for me. Looking at you, and what you've made yourself into, I can comfortably say Lady Stella wasn't the worst. She showed me I needed others, she showed me there is a life outside of myself. I never wanted you as a friend, Vivica... and yet here, in the end, you finally got the friends you wanted so badly. And surprisingly enough, it's because of Lady Stella again! So... Congratulations. Is it worth it then? Is the life you chose, the life you paved for nobody but yourself, worth having a few friends just in these last moments?"

Only Vivica didn't reply. She was already gone.

credits

from Lament For Lady Stella​(​Book Soundtrack), released November 23, 2017

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